Our brains are designed to keep us safe from harm, therefore we reach a certain age (around 40ish for most of us) where instead of thinking what is ahead, we base our future endeavours on what we have achieved in the past. Our past provides comfort and makes us feel safe. As it is the brains job to ensure we stay clear of danger it likes us to stick with the familiar.
The problem with this is, deep inside there is still that 20 something woman, saying “well, come on what’s next!” That same person that got us through uni, found our life partner, decided having kids would be an adventure, started an exciting new career – she is still in there wanting to bust out.
So, what happens is the protective brain kicks into gear and starts telling you things like, you’re too old to start something new, stay safe! You can’t possibly lose weight – you haven’t in the past, stay safe! Don’t follow that dream, just keep doing what you’re doing – stay safe! The brain likes efficiency and predictability because it keeps you safe.
The problem with keeping it safe, is that little voice that is asking for more, more of the real you. You suppress that voice, keep it quiet by overeating, overdrinking, overworking, Netflix binging, Facebook surfing, the list goes on. This then leads to feelings of dissatisfaction, although on the surface you have a great ordinary life, something is missing.
Reflection
10 years ago, this month I made the decision to end my marriage. It got me thinking, what the me of today would say to the me of 10 years ago. Here’s what I came up with:
- You’ve got this. Everything will work out. This isn’t what you envisioned, but you can still have everything you dreamed of and more.
- This will be an emotional journey but you will realise you are stronger than you think. You will also realise just how amazing and adaptable your girls are.
- You will go through an intense period of self-discovery that will ultimately lead you to a career change and onto a path that allows you to help others.
- You will be shown great love and support from family and friends. You will discover where your true friendships lie.
- You will meet the most incredible man, who will love and support you, your girls and your dreams. He is your soul mate.
- Together you will build your dream home and create an amazing life.
- It won’t all be smooth sailing but it will be worth it.
I highly recommend you do this exercise. Look back on the last 5 or 10 years and write a letter to the person you were 10 years ago. What advice would give that person? What did you achieve in that period? What lessons did you learn?
Focus on the future you
Just like the you of today has all the answers for the you of 10 years ago, the you in 10 years probably has some of the answers for the you of today.
As Bill Gates says, “Most people overestimate what they can do in one year and underestimate what they can do in ten years.” So what are your next 10 years looking like and what would your future self say to the you of today.
Now remember your brain is not going to like this – it is going to try to keep you safe. You will need to use your imagination and think new thoughts. Your brain is going to want to recycle your old thoughts. Repeating your past is more efficient and less scary.
But it is time to think big, audacious dreams. What do you want to achieve, what’s that little voice trying to tell you? What would the you of the future, the you that has achieved these goals, tell the you of today?
Turn to a blank page in your journal and answer these questions:
- What does your life look like in 10 years?
- What goals have you achieved?
- What do you want to create?
Think big, don’t listen to that voice in your head telling you it is impossible, you can’t achieve that, you never have in the past. Shut the safety brain down and start using your imagination.
On the next page, I want you to imagine you have achieved those goals – found the perfect partner, lost the weight, created your ideal business, made a million dollars – whatever the dream may be. Now, what would the you that has achieved all this tell the you of today.
Most people overestimate what they can do in one year and underestimate what they can do in ten years.
Change your thinking
To evolve and grow we need to be able to change our thinking. Using the old thoughts is easy, comfortable, safe and believable. Focusing on the future you and what that person would think is a powerful skill to develop, but it requires much more of you than relying on your past thoughts.
Let’s put this into the thought formula, but this time we are going to work backwards, because we know what the result is:
The thought formula goes something like this:
So, if we have the result already we can simply start there and work backwards.
We know the result we want, there for we need to think of the actions that we need to take. Once I know what actions I need to take I can understand what emotion or feelings will get me to take that action. Once I understand that, I can create the thoughts I need to evoke that emotion. I can’t change the facts, because they are indisputable, thus making them facts.
For example the result may be, I have the perfect partner in my life. If I am going out and I already have the perfect partner in my life, my thoughts are not going to be about whether someone likes me or not, I’m not scanning the room looking for eligible partners. I’m thinking about going out and having fun, finding out some interesting facts about the people you’re with. You’re excited about planning your future. You’re comfortable in your own skin. You are enjoying life.
What does the future you who is at her ideal weight think about? The you that has control over her desire for food, that fits into a perfect size (insert whatever works for you) that can get on the scales every day without drama. You are not thinking about your weight all the time, or how much food you can eat. You are confident and in control of your eating and your thinking. Imagine how much space we would have in our minds if we stopped thinking about how to be thin! The time and headspace that would be available to us if we were not reading about a new diet, counting calories and beating ourselves up for eating a piece of chocolate cake.
It’s quite funny when you think about it, people who are naturally thin, don’t think about being thin, overweight people do. People who have made a million dollars, don’t think about making a million dollars, someone that doesn’t have a million dollars thinks about it. People who don’t smoke, don’t stand in a shop, thinking will I buy a packet of cigarettes or not. People who do smoke and are trying to quit – do.
It’s time to start thinking like the future you, who has achieved these goals. What advice would you give yourself today.
Here’s an exercise you may want to try:
Think about the goal you want to achieve and write a story about how you got there. Write about how you think it will happen, all the ups and downs and how you deal with them. Anticipate how it will feel when your safety brain jumps into save you from the danger of change and encourages you to quit. What will it feel like when you reach your goal? How will you handle the hurdles that get in your way? What about when life happens and tries to throw you off course, how will you stay committed to your goals?
Let your future self, guide you. She is supportive and all knowing. She knows everything you are going through is a perfect piece of the puzzle that gets you to where you are supposed to be.
Your future is your property. You get to create any version of you want of it in your mind and you can choose to believe it or not.
Don’t be obsessed with the how. Many of us a looking for someone else to provide a roadmap to our destination. Well no-one else can know your dreams, goals or pathway. Put the destination on the map and find your own way there. Enjoy the road trip, full of amazing views, potholes, new people and experiences. When you’re broken down on the side of the road with no garage in sight, remember the destination and remember to think like to person who is already there.
It’s time to grab your journal and answer these questions:
- Who is your future self?
- What has she accomplished?
- What thoughts is she thinking?
- How is she different to the you of today?
Now it’s time to start living like that person, the future you. Won’t it be amazing in 10 year’s time looking back and realising the future you was right – you can create your future, you did achieve what you set out to do – let’s get going on the next 10! I can’t wait to hear about that journal entry.
Recap
Ok there was a lot of information in this post but here are the steps again:
Reflection:
Look back over the last 5 or 10 years and write a letter to the you of 10 years ago.
Future you:
Answer these questions:
- Who is your future self?
- What has she/he accomplished?
- What thoughts is she/he thinking?
- How is she/he different to the you of today?
Be completely honest, do not write what you think society wants you to write, don’t write what you think your Mum would want to hear or your partner. This is about you and you only.
Think about your future self and write the story of how you got there. Write about the obstacles you overcame, how you celebrated the wins, the mindset you had and the questions you asked yourself.
Let’s get excited about what the future holds.
Ok what are you waiting for – get journaling!
